"If you love your husband you would stay thin."

We live in a time of misconception. It is the year 2014 when envy has taken over our lives. Depression has been linked to social media activities like Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. Many people feel inadequate when comparing themselves to the picture perfect lives on social media. We compare ourselves to the happy pictures, fit bodies and unrelenting crafts.

I am really tired of comparisons. I have been struggling with self worth for most of my life. Not only until recently have I started to accept who and what I am.

Thus the point of this ranting. I have heard so many times this comment “If you love your husband you would stay in shape for him. You started your marriage with an expectation that you would look like you did when you got married.”

To be honest, I am 50 lbs. overweight. I am actively working on getting healthier and losing weight. I was 125 lbs. when I got married almost 16 years ago. My husband has gained about 10 lbs. in this span of time. Now I am not delusional about the fact that my husband would like me to be happier and trim, however he has not said as much. Our relationship is better now than it ever has been.

So what about the pressure to return to your former self when you met and married your spouse? After 16 years I am smarter, kinder, confident, supportive and self aware. I know my husband prefers our relationship how it currently is, rather than how it was. We know each other’s thoughts and tendencies and we accept them. We share 3 beautiful children; that if we had decided not to conceive, would leave our life with emptiness rather than the joy we feel. I am a thyroid cancer survivor, a daughter of a mentally ill mother and also suffer from mental illness. My children, my cancer, my history, my habits and depression all contribute to my weight gain. However, my children, my cancer, my history, my habits and my depression all contribute to my successes. Each of these experiences makes me who I am. My personal growth and happiness exist because of my trials and experiences.

It is an amazing thing to want to care for yourself as a gift to your husband. But, those people that feel a contract has been breached, that you might owe it to him or that you have let your husband down, do not understand eternal love. These same people do not value the mind over the body, the integrity over the untrustworthy or love over vanity. I indeed feel sorry for them. These same people may pity me because of my current physical condition, but it is clear that they just don’t and may never get it.

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